I faked an abortion last night.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
