These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
