I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
