He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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