well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
