We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
