So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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