dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
