Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
