Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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