first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
