Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
