The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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