great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
