you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
