My Higher Power is John Stamos
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My ATM looks so different sober.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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