I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
we're so committed to being not committed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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