Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
