Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
