If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
