Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
