i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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