Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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