I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
