I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
