Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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