am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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