He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
