Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
