apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
