Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
