And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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