look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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