im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
