Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As shirtless as possible
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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