I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
