I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
