I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
MIDGETS
????
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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