"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
