we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
