you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
