just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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