4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
