Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
