my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
