Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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