if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
