hell yes lets make some ravioli
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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