I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
