You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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