I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
