I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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