do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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