i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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