i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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