dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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