I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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