Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
