she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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