see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We need to get me chipped asap
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
