I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
