Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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