That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
