Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
