Did you just see the Batmobile???
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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