I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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