I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
