i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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