i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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