hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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