so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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