I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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