This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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