Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
