Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
