Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just googled if crying burns calories

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(337): View more from Louisiana

How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

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(519): View more from Ontario

My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things

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(206): View more from Washington

Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.

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(425): View more from Washington

She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.

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