The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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