I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
